Gift-giving is an important part of socializing and building relationships with others. We give gifts to celebrate special events and milestones, or simply as an expression of affection. All of this is quite positive but if done incorrectly or for the wrong reasons, the act of giving gifts can be a bit awkward. When a romantic relationship is involved, things can be even more complex.

The last thing you want to do is upset or offend your romantic partner with your choice of gifts. So, take a look at these five rules for giving gifts within the context of dating.

1. Don’t Use Gifts to Change Your Relationship Status

Consider a few scenarios. You want the person you’re dating to agree to something more serious. After a few weeks of dating, you begin to worry that your new love is about to break up with you. You love the idea of becoming an official couple on social media, but they want to keep things casual. What if you get them an extravagant gift? Wouldn’t that show your commitment, and steer your relationship in the right direction?

Absolutely not! Never use a gift as a means to encourage or discourage any sort of behavior from the person you’re seeing. It’s manipulative, and most likely to backfire on you. Do you really want the progression of your relationship to hinge on your ability to provide expensive gifts? Chances are, the recipient will be highly offended, or you will reveal yourself as someone to be taken advantage of.

2. Give the Gifts That They Want

Too often, the gift-giving process is about the desires of the giver. People often give gifts based on their own interests. For example, buying clothing that reflects your tastes, not your partner’s. There are two issues with this. First, is the pressure you are exerting to mold another person in your image.

It’s one thing to communicate that you would love to see the person you love in a certain style of clothing, or that you want to introduce them to one of your interests. But, centering your own wishes when buying a gift is just gross. It’s definitely not reflective of a gift-giving attitude. Also, the gifts you give reflect your understanding of your partner. When you give presents that they truly want and enjoy, you send an affirming message. They know you have taken the time to learn about them and choose gifts that they truly want.

3. Never Diminish Gifts with Extras

You’re at the store shopping for a gift for your lover, and you find something that’s absolutely perfect for them. Of course, you grab it. Should you go find some accessories to go with it? Maybe not. If there are items they must have for the gift to be useful, then yes. Purchase those accessories. If any of the following applies, hold off on buying those extras:

– You can only afford the lowest-quality extras
– The accessories aren’t absolutely necessary
– Your partner might want to select their own add-ons

Sometimes, it’s nice to let a lovely gift stand on its own.

4. Normalize Giving Cash or Gift Cards

The idea that it’s tasteless to give cash or gift cards is so outdated. We live in a time when people regularly exchange Venmo and Cash App tags to give one another a financial boost. Sometimes, the most thoughtful, useful gift is simply helping another person meet their immediate needs, or giving them a way to treat themselves. Cash and gift cards are flexible and practical. The receiver can use them any way they please.

There are some exceptions to this. Mature women dating younger men may not feel comfortable accepting a financial gift. Conversely, a younger woman dating an older man might feel obligated to refuse cash or gift cards from him. Right or wrong, there is some social stigma to exchanging cash in age gap relationships. Be sure both of you are on the same page before you hand over cash.

5. Try Gifting a Shared Experience

People appreciate gifts that are creative and that strengthen their connection with you. Before you buy an object, consider giving something that also creates a memory. That money you are planning to put toward an expensive piece of jewelry or clothing could be used to fund a weekend getaway or just an afternoon adventure.

Final Thoughts: Center the Recipient

It all comes down to this. Gifting is for the receiver. If your motivation is to provide them with some token that will truly delight them, any choice you make is going to be well-received. Just be sure you’ve gotten to know them well enough to understand their tastes, and that you don’t have any selfish intentions. They’ll appreciate your efforts and feel the love.